I really need to learn to truly treasure each moment.

I've said this before but this morning the truthfulness of it hit me hard.  Sometimes I deal with things by not dealing with them.  I just ignore it in hopes that it will go away I guess.

This morning I learned of my cousin's passing (death is such a strong word..).  His name is Derek, although we called each other "Kuzz".  He has been living in Stockton, California for many years, near his parents.  He just turned 31 last month and has been fighting cancer for a couple months.  It started in his leg and spread quickly to his lungs and into his brain.

He passed at 4:30 this morning.  I was immediately hit with the reality of the situation.  Even through everything that has happened, it wasn't until this morning that I understood the brutal reality of death.  It just isn't the same when it's someone you don't know very well.  But when you do, it puts a hole in your heart.  You realize that you won't be able to talk to this person like you used to, won't see this person like you used to, won't be able to make more memories or continue the traditions already set in place.

I've realized some flaws of mine.  The things that have come to light are painful, as they normally are.  But I guess I should take this new information about myself and apply it where time has not expired, as every experience in life bears the fruit of something to be learned.  Overcoming our shortcomings isn't easy, but that's where the beautiful gift of the Atonement of Jesus Christ comes in to play here.  I have resolved today again to become a better person from this day forward.  The how is usually the tricky part.  I'll be asking for much help, especially in that aspect.

I've also realized things regarding my family that make me very sad and at this point I only wish for them to understand my point of view, or not even that but at least to respect it and me.  I think family is supposed to be on the same page, and when you put on a fake face that seems a little facade-ous to me.  Unity ceases to exist on that level.

Live life while you have it; make memories while you still can.

It's not about how many people you can love, but learning how to love the ones who are harder to love.

Treasure each moment.

...especially when you don't feel like it.

Those times seem to be often for me.  I'm trying to learn to appreciate each moment and accept each unknown situation, however small.  I tend to not pick up the phone or respond to chat messages...

I'm sorry Kuzz.

You really were a good buddy of mine.

I wish I would have made more of the friendship while I could.

Now there's nothing I can do in this life with that relationship.  I'll have to wait.

Miss you Kuzz... but you're in a better place now.  <3